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Friday, November 11, 2011

Where it cuts the deepest.

Wordy post ahead. Skip if you don't like emotional posts.

I'm supposed to be on a hiatus until the evening of the 5th of December, when SPM is officially over and done with. But here I am blogging, as encouraged by my gay love Xi Men who said that the best time to write about my feelings is now, right when I am experiencing it.

So, what is it exactly that I'm blogging about?


I don't get emotional very often, but today is one of those days when I just feel down in the dumps. Do bear with me for this post.

Today is the last day of my high school life. If you want to be technical, it isn't exactly the last day as I still have SPM and will therefore be still in school for approximately another 3 weeks. But I don't count the days of SPM as actual schooling sessions, so 11/11/11 marks the end of my journey in secondary school. Auspicious, huh?

As today was the last day before the Form Fives sat for the much dreaded public examination, the school had the usual 'majlis salam restu' (I think it's called blessing ceremony in English?), whereby the students thanked the teachers who have fostered them for the past 5 years and the teachers in turn, wished the students the best of luck and expressed their hopes. I was determined not to shed any tears today but boy, did that plan fail miserably.

I was already feeling emotional when I woke up and realized the significance of the day ahead. In an attempt to summon some last-minute bravado, I gave myself a pep talk in the car. I arrived to school amidst rain and thunder and Sheng even commented that the gods were crying because today was our last day of school. By the time the principal finished her little speech for assembly, some of us were already starting to feel quite raw inside.

Then the teachers started forming a large semicircle. And the sentimental music came on through the PA system. That was pretty much the last straw. When we queued for our turns, that was when it really hit me in the face that this was the last time I was ever going to see my teachers up close like this again. And when I saw V's teary face, I think I lost all sense of self-control. The tears started streaming down my face as I hugged the principal and accepted her words of encouragement. I hugged most of my class teachers and my favourite teachers. I shook the hands of those whom I didn't know as well and tried my best to present a watery smile.

It felt so good to hug my teachers tightly and say my thanks to them. After all, they were excellent teachers who had our best interests at heart under all those scoldings and tendencies to present us with large stacks of homework. Without them, I think I wouldn't be who I am today. Call me a big softie, but I think teachers (well, some of them) are awesome. Everyone says school is depressing, but it's the good teachers and the awesome friends who make going to school on a daily basis bearable.

I'm not going to lie, I love school so much that I really can't bear to think of my life without it. School has been such a huge part of my life for 11 long years, it's exactly like a long-term relationship. And when the real breakup comes in December, my life will be so devoid of activity and routine. I know college will fill that gap within me in January next year, but at the moment, I am dreading the final moments when I step out of the school grounds for the very last time and plunge headfirst into the dark realms of reality.

On a happier note, do wish me good luck and pray for my safety in the upcoming examinations.
SPM kicks off on the 14th with Bahasa Melayu as the first subject and my eyebags have been increasing steadily in both size and darkness due to mild insomnia as my brain is way too active at night.

Bye. See you again in 3 weeks.

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